Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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