I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
