you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
