Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
