Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
