she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
