i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
lets start a swedish sibling band together
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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