You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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