He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
