hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
