I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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