I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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