Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
