My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
