Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
