i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
