Christians are straight up FREAKS
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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