tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
nutella sex= disaster
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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