my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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