One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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