Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
