mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
