Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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