i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
