Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
