I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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