I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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