you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
