She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
