If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
