Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
