Sponge bath it is.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
