i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
