the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
