just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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