he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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