dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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