margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
