she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize