Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
