last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize