I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
