so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
