new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
