i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
