Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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