Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
