ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
