well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
