So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
