I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
