whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize