I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
