Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize