theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
