when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
