She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
