i already hear my dad disowning me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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