Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
