I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
