it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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