there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
