If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
false alarm, still single
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
