The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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