Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
