well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize