OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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