i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
