No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
