So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
