Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
