In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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